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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

 

My Life The Way It Is

Last night someone asked me, "If you could be doing anything in the world, what would it be?"

And I said, "I'm very happy with my life the way it is."

I'm very happy with my life the way it is.

This is profound. For years if someone had asked me that I would have said:

Living in San Francisco.
Living in New York.
Making films.
Writing more.
Something else.
Anything else.
I wish I knew what else.

And now: I'm very happy. With my life the way it is.

I feel like I'm shedding my 20s like old skin - emerging fresh and ready for life without the constant churning angst of what does it all mean. For so long I felt like a little ball of energy casting about in the wilderness, desperate for something to hold onto; like a rogue plug looking for its outlet; like a small part of a big world waiting to be glued in. And now, a little more than six months before the big 3-0, I feel a new peace setting in. Meaning is no longer an elusive gift; instead, it's imbued in every moment. Every day.

I used to think that "meaning" meant affecting "the world," something remote and big and far away...affecting "people's" consciousness, as though people were a planet you could travel to. Now I see how big the world is right at my doorstep. And I can dive right in.

The rush of an improv performance. The connections made with new friends over beers on a Tuesday night. The joy that comes from standing on my new front porch, from snuggling my dog, from practicing yoga, from meeting a dear friend's new baby girl. The inspiration that comes from a sunset. The satisfaction of solving a problem at work and serving the public better as a result (I work in public service media). The bliss of having my dad over to our new house and offering him a sandwich and beer as he spackles a hole by our new front door.

Connections. Right here, right now, and very real, as real as real can be. This is the world. This is life. And I'm very happy.


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